the sun is shining in portland

 times like these when life seems like it's speeding faster than the speed of light-
when there's constant forward motion
and part of me wants to stop and smell the roses
but it gets pulled along like a child in a grocery store by the tempo of life

today i have left room for reflection. morning meditation by the giant resting buddah in beaverton gave me a moment to appreciate this present moment and all the beautiful things in my life. i still fear my own ways, but really if i stick to living by right mind/right action there is nothing to fear. i guess i've always been attracted to being a little "bad" for some reason. it's a romantic idea, you know, the bad boy guitar player, living a little on the edge with the soul of a gypsy. but now what i want to do is redirect that romantic notion into art- live a good life fueled by right action and right mind, but still be free to create with the wild wreckless energy.

HAHAHAHAHA!! seems life a freakin' great idea to me.

onward we roll, me and my posse of tiny beautiful blonde people. onward, through the forrest and over the mountains. past the flatlands and through the cities, over the bridges and onward still, over the rolling foothils and through the fertile groves, along the cliffs and towards the sea, and life will again be forever changed- no looking back- another time, another place, another dimension. another form of realilty- or illusion if you like, because really i have lost touch with what is reality and what is illusion. everything is nothing. we are all everything. the very tiny void space in molecules is the exact same as the space that fills the galaxies. being in this present condition- being in the body of a man- just one tiny speck in time and space, my worth is that of a single drop of rain. or a single ray of warmth.

and the warm sun feels pretty nice today.
onward!!

newsflash

upon closer examination it seems as though there has been an ideological assassination not of pop icon and taliban leader osama bin laden but rather of anti government cult leader jesus of nazereth. in the aftermath of the raid by us forces on the secret pakistani bunker, jihadist ideology has only increased in power, while the messages of jesus christ- "love your enemies", "turn the other cheek", and forgiveness- have been silenced in the retaliation of the tragedies against our allegedly christian nation. with no option left other than to dig deeper into the war on terror, we will go forth into battle against the enemies of our nation. the assassination of bin laden is a small victory for our masters of war and a large step towards the all out jihad so many have prayed for.

amen.

again on the west side of our great nation.

i've crossed this country so many times the journey almost seems unnecessary to write about. the truck-stops, the native american jewelry, the junk food, the van full of broke hungry kids trying to squeeze their way across the country... of course the night in joshua tree was great, seeing the sun rise over giant mountains of rocks and the many colors of the waking day as the landscape seemed to move with the daybreak.

but here i am again in portland oregon. beautiful lush green as we slowly drift past mount ashland and of course the skies are dark and heavy. it's funny how i lived here for over ten years and i feel more like a stranger here than i did in texas. these streets are full of memories some beautiful some destitute, and being here reminds me of being stuck. people are buying land and having babies and i am so very happy for them. i am learning to love patience and being here makes me breathe deeply and just know that i am still moving forward -this is just a moment in time that i must enjoy to the fullest.

ah the woman. i knew this was the right direction. she is like a mythical creature who came into my life to save me, or transform me. and she thinks the same of me. against insurmountable odds  we made it to the refuge of each others' arms. it's a fairy tale in the process of being written. a tale that transcends  time and space.

but not here, not now. now i must go live it and enjoy it.

we'll start with the crazy dream- i was laying on the floor of my house, a big communal place. my roommate comes out of the shower wearing only her panties, walks right over me, and straddles me. "careful, i gotta gun", she says seductively, and then pretends to grab the gun tattooed on her ass and blows me a kiss. we both are in her bed nowjust talking and laughing, wearing nothing but underwear. then her boyfriend storms in, yells 'WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?", reaches down for his real gun, looks me in the eye and walks out of the room...
my one day off i went to barton springs, and it was a beautiful scene. the water was perfect, and beautiful people everywhere. afterwards i went to the live oak brewery party where they had free bands, free food (vegetarian fajitas and tamales), and free beer (i must mention the chipotle brown ale). it was one of those magical days, for sure.

last night was intense. high rigging at 60 feet up, in 30 mph wind gusts. at one point the tarp roof of the stage blew up in a gust of wind and crashed down on my back, scaring the bejeesus out of me. of course we already know i survived, but it certainly had the feeling of a near-death experience.

todays card- well, it's got many relevant  concepts. travel, journey, exploring new worlds. then there's also change; there's the old world that will never be the same. there's conquest. there's suffering. here's what i read- be gentle in your conquests. don't cause pain for your own needs. take only pictures, leave only footprints.

i'm not sure i'm getting any satisfaction out of "blogging". at least i'm remembering to remember my dreams.

the furious fuzz so far...first show - the "stay posi no future fest" for sxsw.

second show- the compound for sxsw.

third show-food not bombs benefit at house of commons.

fourth show- the parlor pizza shop.

paterns, perception, illusion.

yes the patterns do tend to repeat themselves. even for an explorer there are patterns one must follow to get to the unexplored. i went through some emotionally experimental territory for the sake of breaking a pattern that i had grown accustom to, and after much trial and error my forward progression is rooted in patterns i've repeated over and over again.

so now i'm getting mentally prepared to pack it back into the van and head back out west for awhile. Austin has been everything i hoped it would be. People like the phrase "I've died and gone to Austin", and for good reason.  But i like movement, i like motion, and i'm excited to head west, see my farm and family, to reconnect with a woman with eyes like angels, who believes in infinite possibility, just like i do.  more repeating patterns. repeat and improve. don't over analyze it, just enjoy it.

now if only i could get Babe the Big Blue Van to stop leaking coolant. but this is a detail you musn't concern yourself with...

today's tarot card- the caged bird.
freedom, i guess, lies deep inside your own mental trappings. the cage and the key are all part of the illusionary world, perception. the key is to see reality beyond cage and key, beyond limitation of form.
there are many ways to read it. that's how i read it today.



The Australians will be here in a half an hour. tonight furious fuzz plays the parlor pizza shop with melbourne's own das butcher. austin, or at least it's few citizens who happen to be getting pizza between the hours of 8 and 11 pm, will be in for quite a treat.

reflect for a moment on the power of perception. the energy you and you alone give to a scenario. how your energy effects the moment, the outcome. what happens when you make a conscious decision to support and promote positive energy? things start to "just happen"- all the time. no matter what your belief system is, it really can't hurt to be conscious of the energy you  share with the world around you.